Nationwide alert after mysterious Évora jailbreak

Nationwide alert after mysterious Évora jailbreak

Ports and airports were in lockdown this morning after prison guards in Évora discovered a “massive hole in the wall” of cell nº 44 – the cell holding former prime minister José Sócrates.
It could be that 56-year-old Sócrates is still on the premises, a prison source told the Resident, as searches throughout the compound continue.
But the real mystery is how the hole came to be made.
“It happened all of a sudden”, said the source. “I can’t be sure if i heard the words “Ali Akbar” or “High ho silver” – maybe it was a combination of the two. But there was a massive crash and the sound of a surprised scream.
“The hole itself is very odd. It looks as if someone has driven through the wall in a coach and horses. But there are outlines in the brickwork of what look like antlers…”
Another puzzle is the discovery of an electronic tag, found prized-open in a bush outside the prison.
“No one here is in possession of an electronic tag”, the source told us. “We need to get to the bottom of this”.
Unfortunately, this may not be possible today.
A large quantity of egg-nog was spilt over the security console of Apanhados e Filhos – the firm that runs the country’s tagging system – at the company’s Christmas party last night, and the mopping up operation is expected to take “some time”.
“It could have happened to anyone”, Apanhados worker Jorge Ferreira told us. “I was sitting at my workstation as normal, monitoring the 1,342 politicians and bankers that we have out on electronic tags throughout the country at the moment, and my colleague Afonso came in to give me some egg-nog just as I was preparing to blow my nose. The result was a great big mess. My screen went very dark and for now I have no idea what anyone on the special-detail corruption tags is doing. I don’t even know where they are.
“This could have been a lot worse”, Ferreira was quick to stress. “We could be talking about tags for violent offenders. That would have been a very serious matter, particularly at Christmas”.
Nonetheless, the Governor of the Bank of Portugal was quick to act this morning, as he informed reporters gathered outside his home that “a number of those on electronic tags know the Bank well”.
Removing a Santa hat as he left his wife and assembled family, Carlos Costa was driven to the bank by security staff.
Coming out a half hour or so later, he said that everything appeared to be “under control” – although he had been surprised to find Finance Minister Maria Luís Albuquerque in the vaults that house Portugal’s considerable supply of Nazi gold bullion.
“She is desperately trying to balance the 2015 state budget”, he explained. “But now I must get back to my family for Christmas”.
It is unsure whether José Sócrates will be located under the rubble of cell number 44, or whether he has really escaped in a sleigh-like vehicle.
What is certain is that the country’s combined police and security forces are out looking for him – or certainly will be once they have finished enjoying a slap-up Christmas lunch.
As a police source informed us, it is unlikely that anyone will get away from Portugal by air today, anyway.
“TAP workers are busy letting the air out of aircraft tyres – certainly all morning”, he told us.
The Resident too is clocking off for a long lunchbreak. We wish all our readers a wonderful, happy Christmas Day and hope to be back again tomorrow when normal service will be resumed.